I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
