Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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