Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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