I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
