You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
