im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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