Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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