best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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