I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
