someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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