I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
