Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
