in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
pray to the hookup gods
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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