theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
