You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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