just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
