saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
