How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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