I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
