Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
