id be glad to
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
