Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
