Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
