plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
