i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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