I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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