the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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