What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
