I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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