I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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