This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
