i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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