I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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