From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sorry my hands just texted you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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