i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
