maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
