girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
