And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
