Since when is my name a synonym for head?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
