Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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