ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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