I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
God I need to hump something, right now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
