I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
