i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
