you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
