dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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