Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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