You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
