No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
