Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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