He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
