I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
